Of Bricks and Feathers
by Arashi-Hikari
Summary: When Hikari's having problems with her Biology paper, Deidara takes interest to it, though he knows nothing about Biology. Hikari decides to play a prank that soon after involves the rest of the members. Crackfic. One-shot. Rated T for language.


**Disclaimer: I don NOT own Naruto. Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.**

**However, I do own my Oc, Hikari.**

* * *

Of **Bricks **and _Feathers_…

" Hikari-san, what are you doing?" Asked Kisame, his shark eyes gleaming with wonder and curiosity. The woman sitting across from him barely acknowledged what he said, too concentrated on a certain paper she held in her hand. Gnawing at the pencil's eraser she held with the other hand, her face contracted into a small frown of frustration.

" Goddamn, why can't they reword the questions to make it legible…" She murmured irritated. The blue skinned member looked with amusement." Hikari-san." He called once more.

" Hm?" She responded, finally noticing him.

" What are you doing?" He asked for the second time. Hikari took a pause, as if to think on how to answer his question properly.

" Well, I'm only working on my Biology paper." Kisame nodded slightly, not much familiar with the subject. Hikari returned to her paper as the two seized to speak with each other. Not too long after, the Jashinist of the organization, plus the blond terrorist entered the room, their voices creating echoes for the noise they made was too loud. So loud that Hikari had lost concentration.

" Fucking shithead, I'm telling you! Cheese doesn't go with _jelly_!" Screamed the religious man. Deidara frowned in disapproval.

" It so does, un! You just never tried it so why critique my taste, hm?" Protested the blond. Shifting slightly in place, Hikari gnawed even more on the eraser, trying to ease her running-short patience. Noticing this, Kisame glanced around uncomfortably; he knew how she got when she was extremely annoyed or interrupted. Though, the obvious was blind to the two arguing members.

" Could you two please stop? I'm trying to work here." She cut in, in hopes of breaking them apart. The other two paused and looked at her.

" Fuck no! Stay out of this." Grumbled Hidan with a small glare of his pink eyes. The black haired woman frowned once again, not liking the response.

" Stop being so egotistic Hidan–What are you working on, Hikari-san, hmm." Deidara asked now.

" Hm–Biology-hm…" She said between mumbles. The blond member blinked.

" Biology huh? Is that a normal subject you learn in school?" He questioned. Nodding, Hikari glanced up at him.

" Exactly, and with you two blabbering I can't concentrate in the least." She said with a hint of bitterness. He shivered slightly, already having experienced her furry. Though, Hidan being Hidan, would not further comprehend the limits…

" So what? Go somewhere and do the fucking thing."

" I was here first."

" That doesn't fucking matter!"

" It does so, you should respect me."

" As if!"

" I'm warning you…" She said in a low growl. The jashinist paused in slight surprise, but was quickly to recover.

" Hah! I'm not scared of a _bitch _like you!" He said with his chest practically puffed out to show his machismo. He should've thought twice, if not thrice, before he gave that kind of response to a short-tempered woman like Hikari…

Three seconds flat he was pinned to the wall by 4 kunais stabbing at his wrists and ankles, in much like the position of crucifixion. Yelling in pain, yet pleasure, the religious member felt blood gushing out of the wounds.

" Damn you!" He cried out. Satisfied, Hikari returned to her work, leaving Kisame and Deidara petrified.

' S-she's scary, hmm.' Thought Deidara with a sweat drop. After witnessing the event that had seemed to have passed in one blink of an eye, he was sure to be more careful with how he talked to the young female.

About right after the jashinist was crucified, his money-crazed partner appeared in search of him. Pausing at the sight, he preferred not to make any comments on what happened.

" Hidan, stop those ridiculous rituals, it's getting bizarre by the second." He grumbled. He was more concerned with the creamed carpeting, which was being stained by his sadistic partner. In dismay, he sighed and pulled out a calculator and pressed down on some numbers…

" That'll be 50,000 ryos from you, Hidan." He said, charging for the cost of the carpet. Hidan stared at him with astonishment.

" _50,000_?! Like hell I'm paying that shit!" He started…" It wasn't even my fucking idea of being pinned to the goddamn wall!"

" I would believe you if you weren't common for doing those type of rituals." Said Kakuzu, having no mercy on his teammate.

" But it was that bitch's fault!" He said, nodding vigorously at Hikari. Though he tried hard to defend his innocence, Kakuzu merely grunted.

" Whatever, it's **your **blood on the carpet, so **you're **paying for the restoration." With that said, the treasurer of the Akatsuki walked off. Hidan groaned with dislike, then glared at the woman that had put him through this unfair predicament.

" It's all your fault." He said more than yelled, not wanting to waste any more of his voice or he'd go hoarse pretty soon. Hikari paid no heed to his whining, preoccupying herself with the Biology paper, which now turned out to be her worst enemy to defeat. Kisame and Deidara couldn't help but snicker at Hidan's situation.

Hours passed, early in the day turned to late evening. Hikari had completed half of the Biology questionnaire paper. Kisame had gone to his room for a shower and Hidan had somehow liberated his body from the wall, walking away with fervent hate. Deidara decided to stay to make some clay sculptures, and to also give some company to his female comrade.

" pH is the measure of acidity or alkalinity. If pH of acidic is lower than 7 and basic is higher, what is the pH for pure water?" She questioned out loud." Hmm, 7?" She said unsure. Shrugging, she filled in the answer and went to the next. Deidara looked to her, an eyebrow raised. He had no idea of what she was talking about, because frankly, he never learned Biology before. On second thought, no one has ever learned that subject, except for scientists, but never was it taught in academies. If so then just a partial portion of what was needed to know in missions and practical ninja information. But this…

" Hikari-san? Do you need help?" He offered without thinking. She looked at him in wonder." You know Biology?" She asked, amused and interested. The blond subconsciously nodded, not knowing how gullible he was being.

' It can't be _that _hard, un…' He thought. She stared at him a little longer, as if to observe if he was saying the truth or not. Suddenly she grew a small unnoticeable smirk.

" Ok then, answer me this question," She said. He nodded, waiting for her to tell him the question.

" Would it be best to walk 50,000 miles across the world carrying 100 pounds of brick, or 100 pounds of feathers?"

...

Deidara went blank in the face.' Say _what_?' He thought in his mind. His eyes held no sign of knowing as his lips pursed." Probably-" He was interrupted by a rumble and then some footsteps. From the kitchen entrance, out came Sasori…

"-Ah, dana, un! Could you come here for a second?" He asked. Sasori looked at him for a second.

" I don't have the time right now." He said.

" Come on, it's just for a second. I need you to tell me something, yeah." Sighing, the puppeteer strolled over to them." What is it?"

" Okay, would it be best to walk 50,000 miles across the world carrying 100 pounds of brick or 100 pounds of feather?" Sasori stared at him blankly.

" … You have to be joking." He commented. But the blond artist shook his head." What would you rather do, un?"

" 100 pounds of bricks." He responded. Deidara looked at him, baffled.

" But dana, that would be too heavy, un." He said with a small frown.

" Deidara, you don't know how high 100 _pounds _of feather would reach. I'd rather carry few bricks than that."

" It would be so much easier though!"

" No it wouldn't."

" Yes, it would, hm." Sasori shot him a glare." I wouldn't, period."

" But it doesn't make sense! Why would you waste time carrying bricks than just simple feathers?" Hikari watched the two with amusement twinkling in her eyes.' This is fun.' She thought.

" You're stupid, no wonder you're _blond_."

" Hey!" He glared at his dana. Hikari felt the corner of her lips twitch as the two artists started arguing endlessly. The argument brought curious and annoyed members to the area.

" What the hell's going on?" Hidan asked, having a piece of cloth pressed to his pierced chest, the blood tainting the once clean fabric.

" Dana thinks that carrying 100 pounds of bricks would be easier than carrying feathers. That's wrong though, un!" Said Deidara with irritation in his voice.

" 100 pounds of feathers could reach almost the top of the sky, Deidara." Was the puppet's response. The others stared quizzically at the duo. Itachi decided to speak…

" The more reasonable pick would be feathers." He said monotonously. Kisame agreed with him." I'm with senpai!" Said a hyper and cheerful Tobi. The blond smirked." See dana? They know I'm right, un…"

" Tch." Sasori glared.

" The fuck? How many bricks you think reaches 100 _pounds_?" Hidan argued, finding this subject rather idiotic. Kakuzu, for once, agreed to his answer." 100 Pounds of feather would reach a pretty high height." He said. Sasori nodded." My point exactly."

" But feathers are _lighter_!"

" But it's 100 _pounds _of _feathers _we're talking about!"

" And 100 _pounds _of **bricks!**" Soon all the members drew in a heated debate, the group completely unconscious of how ignorant they were being at the moment…

Meanwhile, Hikari watched the scene at the front seat just for her. Her lips formed into a mischievous smirk. Who would thought, that fooling these S-rank criminals would be so easy.

The debate turned into violent actions, neither conformed with the other's perspective. 15 minutes of all this nonsense…

Hikari completed her questionnaire and sighed in relief." Done." She said, pleased with herself as she examined the work. She then looked at the beaten up members, all sprawled on the floor with purple eyes, busted lips, and many broken and bruised parts of the body.

" H-Hikari-saaaann" Moaned Deidara in pain.

" What is it?" She asked.

" Th…the answer….w-what's the answer...?" He pleaded, almost literally dying to know, along with the others who looked at her with thirst of knowledge to the enigmatic question that drove them to insanity.

She first took a moment to look at all of them, eye by eye, inspecting their state. She then grinned." Isn't it obvious?"

" Huh?" They chorused together in confusion.

" Neither would be best…because they both weight 100 _pounds_. So why carry either if they weigh the _same_?" She chuckled." For a bunch of criminals, you sure can be brainless sometimes." She commented and walked off, leaving the room as the dumbstruck faces watched her go…

...

" Fucking great, we _are _stupid."


End file.
